Raw, never more true words or emotions! Prob more then any of u bargained for when u asked about my journey! BUT here goes, maybe journaling about this will help my recently hurt feelings! - I recently felt scolded by someone that should always love me since birth, thinking that I had had weight loss surgery to obtain my goal. I won't lie, I did think about it. But felt in my heart that I could do it on my own! Never anything wrong with those that need the help to start! I applaud the tough choice that was and is! Instead of saying wow-u look awesome, I was made to feel like it was a bad thing! Well, guess what, that's what started this whole journey for MYSELF! Not for anyone else! Around August or September of last year, I started to realize that I wasn't myself, others noticed too- and had not problems telling me. I blew it off but then I started to notice things about myself, they were right! I needed a change! The way I was feeling physically and mentally was not healthy or safe! A good friend became a certified personal trainer and began posting about her services. I messaged her for a meeting and when she said I would have to run, I laughed! Not unless something big and scary is chasing me! lol I had to do something, so I said, I'll give it a try! It wasn't until 2 weeks in that I actually told people what I was doing! For fear they would think, well, it won't last! I didn't need those negative thoughts, I was already beating myself up enough! I also made an appt with a family practitioner, because I know I needed more help then what exercise could offer me! Reluctantly I started a low dose antidepressant, over time it seemed to help some. I severally needed something to control for me! Work sucked, kids lives so incredibly busy and feeling like I was drowning, and as I reached the top I felt like I was being pushed down further and further! What could I control? My diet and exercise! And that was it! It became my me time. My time to blare my music and not think or to think and cry it out. What I needed that I didn't realize I didn't have in the past! As the miles moved up and the weight was coming off, I could feel myself feeling better! People were noticing! People were encouraging me! People humbled me. Words of u are inspiring me....me?!?! That was never my intention. I posted to hold myself accountable to staying on the path of a better me!! I can't even begin to tell you how amazing it feels to know that I have so many people behind me, supporting me! BUT I don't know that it will still ever be enough! Most days I do feel great! Some days I feel like I did back in October before I started. I love buying clothes I could not have even for in in high school and the compliments-woooooow! U want to see a girl blush: compliment me! Lol
So the physical journey:
I started out with 2 slim fast shakes a day and very little to no carb dinners. A lot of water and fiber and fruit snacks during the day.
I was VERY strict at first, as not to "fall off the wagon"! Now I do one to two premier shakes a day that I purchase at Walmart but hear the u can get in bulk cheaper at Costco. I don't have a card! Lol if there is a craving I have, I allow myself a bite of two to satisfy that want.
As far as running! My amazing trainer Crystal Owens started me with the C25k app! Free to ur phones FYI! At first I couldn't do it-30 secs without stopping. Holy crap! I needed an oxygen tank. But over time! I did a mile, I did two and oh my god before I knew it, I ran my first 10k last week! That's 6.2miles----without stopping! I never had any intention on running any races, but as I learned to run, yes learned, I felt like I needed it for my own validation! So I've done a couple local races and most recently my 10k in my most favorite city with the Statue of Liberty into site the whole time! It was more then a race for me, something I don't know I could put into words. It was what I needed to know that I am worth it! I am worth being selfish with my time and needs! In November I will be running my first half marathon! That's 13.1 miles! Oh my god! Pray for my knees and my sanity as I begin training!
Just to put it out there. From nov 1-march30, I was down 48 pounds and like 5 jean sizes. I don't know my current weight because I don't want to focus on a number! I feel amazing. Actually can say most days I like the way I look.
And again, this may not be as much specific info or way too much but thanks to tho that have asked for me to share my journey and for all the amazing support and love along the way.
